Isolation.
It’s something that happens to all of us. It doesn’t matter whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a friendship, life before an illness or caring for ailing parents. When we are in pain, we pull away. We find reason to not trust others. Maybe we push them away because we’re too exhausted from our grief to invest in a relationship with anyone else. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid they might leave us too. Maybe we’re afraid our heart will never feel the way it felt before we entered our season of grief. The truth is, all of those things are true. We do feel exhausted, we do feel afraid and our heart will never be the same.
But at what cost are we isolating ourselves?
What do we miss out on in our lives because we think it feels more powerful or more controlling to keep others at a distance?
And let’s face it. It does feel powerful to push people away. We are in control of how close people get to our hearts. We get to build the height of the wall around us. We are in control, especially after a time that has felt completely out-of-control, whatever it was that caused this painful grief in our lives. We didn’t get to control it. We never asked for it to happen. We never gave permission for this particular event to happen in our lives. So now, we want to be in control. However, we work so hard controlling our situation and keeping people away that we find ourselves alone, detached and isolated. So we have to sit and think, is it all worth it?
My amazing therapist, Sandy Lillie, had me do this exercise this week and it was so helpful in determining how far away I was keeping my loved ones. So, I wanted to share it with you.
Sit and imagine the feeling of isolation that you feel right now. Feel it in your body. Where is it? Is it in your belly, below your chest, in your heart? Does it feel heavy, or cold? Sit with it for a minute. Take it all in.
Then, begin to push it outwards. Feel the emotion and the energy of that emotion extend outwards and feel yourself pushing everyone farther and farther away from you. Then, sit with how THAT feels? How does it feel? I found that I felt sad, detached, and even more alone. How does it feel for you? Heavier? Colder? Weaker? Or more powerful?
Then bring your energy and emotion close to you again. Allow other people’s energy close to you again. How does it feel? Does it feel warmer in your body? Do you feel a little happier? More connected?
Then one final time, push it outwards so that you begin to get a gauge on the process. Begin to feel the control you have over this feeling. Finish with placing that protective wall at the depth that feels the best for you. Feel the power and control that YOU have over how close you allow people to get to you.
Perhaps when you want to try being vulnerable but feel a little nervous still, keep that wall a little farther so you can’t get as hurt, but allow your vulnerability to be the bridge between you and the people you are keeping at a distance. Begin to allow them in through your honesty, vulnerability and heart.
Because there is such a grave cost to keeping people at a distance. We think it feels powerful but it just creates a situation that causes us more loneliness and more hurt. Allow yourself to be surrounded by people and love as you heal your grief. Let your loved ones in and begin to see how much your heart grows in ways and past boundaries you never knew possible. Allow that trust to grow as you begin to build new bridges.
If you are having a tough time even beginning to trust, you can check out one of my very early videos called “The Trust Rock.” (I apologize in advance for the video but the content is great! I was just starting out! ) Get yourself a trust rock and see if it helps. It did wonders for me and my heart and I hope this rock and this exercise does wonders for you too.
We can’t wait to support you this week as you try out this exercise and let people get a little closer to you while you are healing. Who did you let in this week? Please share!
Sending much love to you!
Love and Blessings,
Erin