My mom’s Angel Birthday is coming up this Monday, and one thing never ceases to amaze me. For every single Angel Birthday I’ve experienced, for the many different loved ones I have lost, over the course of many different years, I always forget about the one thing that throws me every single time. I always forget about…
The Storm Before the Calm.
Wait! Isn’t it calm before the storm? No, not in this case. As with everything grief, this too is turned upside down. “The Storm” is the clump of days leading up to our loved one’s Angel Birthday. The lonely, quiet, reflective and SUPER hard days right before their Angel Birthday… what I call “The Storm”. With every storm, I find myself incredibly emotional, sad, and depressed and really, really missing my loved one. I lash out at other friends and family. Without fail, I never seem to recognize this pattern until the day before their Angel Birthday. It’s like this big “Ah-ha moment” when I finally realize why I have had such intense feelings. When I finally recognize that I’ve been in the storm, then and only then, do I find myself being more compassionate and gentle with myself. I, of course, then must analyze it all and think to myself, “what is this storm?” and “why wasn’t I nicer to myself through it?” This whole storm thing… it’s kind of a big deal for our hearts. So what happens during our storm, and what can we do about it?
Our storm is the preparing of our hearts to be ready for what we think will be the big heartbreak day.
We begin to prepare ourselves for the heartbreak we think we are going to feel on their Angel Birthday, without realizing our heart is already breaking in preparation for the big day. We start planning for this wave of emotion that is going to overtake us on this special day, without realizing the emotion is already overtaking us. We find ourselves projecting how we think we are going to feel when that day arrives, without realizing we’ve already brought up all those emotions. We’ve brought them all up in order to be ready for the big day, but what we don’t recognize is that those feelings are now already in our hearts waiting to be processed. They are sitting there waiting for us to pay attention to them. But since most of us ignore them or don’t even recognize that they are already there (since they’re not SUPPOSED to be there until the actual Angel Birthday anyway), these emotions release themselves in every direction possible, in every way possible, at every person possible. Thus creating a superstorm for ourselves and everyone around us.
The hardest part is that no one really knows about it.
The storm is our own personal, private emotional process that we find ourselves having to endure alone. We find ourselves alone because our loved ones are busy mailing cards, marking their calendars and setting reminders to call us ON our loved ones’ Angel Birthday. They are preparing to support us on the big day. It will be these very people that will make the Angel Birthday itself feel less emotionally charged than the storm days leading up to it, because we will feel so supported and loved. THANK GOD FOR THEM! It makes the actual Angel Birthday day calm and full of gratitude. I think it becomes a calm day because we finally allow ourselves to pause, to stop, to reflect. To give gratitude for their life touching ours. It’s our calm that we give ourselves permission to feel after making it through our storm. And with this calm, we allow ourselves to begin to heal.
But what if we gave ourselves that same permission to pause, to reflect and to nurture ourselves during our storm? This week’s tip is to help us recognize our storm pattern, so we can be kinder to ourselves during this sacred time. Be extra gentle and loving to yourself in your days leading up to your Angel Birthday, and know THIS is where the storm is… this is where the processing lives. This is the tough work, the private, quiet healing work that must be done to heal.
I hope this helps you recognize your storm days. Don’t be afraid of them. Welcome them and let them wash away your sorrow. Let it rain. Let your storm days clear what needs to be cleared, so the sun can shine for you again.
Share this article with your support community, so that they can begin to recognize their own storm days and better support you during yours. I can’t wait to hear how you are supporting yourself through your storm and how you are being more gentle, kind and loving to yourself. It’s the only way to survive the storm.
Have a great week!
Love and Blessings,
Erin