Healing 2 minutes at a time

Healing through the Holidays: The New Year’s +1

YouTube Preview Image

 

It’s New Year’s Eve. A day for reflection, for remembrance and for looking ahead to the exciting new year to come. Unless, you’re grieving the loss of a loved one.

For those healing hearts, there is nothing harder than adding the + 1.

This + 1 isn’t about the hot party of the night. It’s not about finding a special date.

It’s about adding the +1 to the number of years we have spent away from our loved one.

No matter how many years ago you’ve lost your loved one, whether it is 1, 5, or 25, there is something very poignant and sad about adding that extra distance of a +1 timestamp. It’s the turn of the year. It’s that +1 to everything, and New Year’s Eve is that moment right before it’s added.

Like all things grief, we feel all of those feelings and dread that moment more on our way to the actual event itself. Because tomorrow, there will be more hope, there will be more support and there will be more healing, but right now, in this moment, we face midnight.

We’re on the upside of that mountain not sure of what’s on the other side of that journey. What will we face next year? Will I begin to forget?

Will I miss you more? Will I miss you less? The thing about those two questions is that both are equally scary for a grieving heart.  

NYEFINAL

We don’t want things to change…period. But we’re being forced to grow and change for a reason beyond our knowing…and a reason that will ultimately bring us to something better than we ever imagined. But for tonight…tonight requires gentleness, compassion and kindness towards ourselves as we swallow the acceptance of the +1.

For those who just lost their loved one this year, there is nothing more painstaking than leaving that year behind. We hugged our loved one this year. We held their hands. We were comforted by their voice. So this New Year’s requires even more careful and gentle love with your heart. Be good to you… whether you’ve lost someone this year or 20 years ago. It doesn’t matter. It’s about accepting that it’s OK to feel a little more sad today, before the +1.

Because that +1 means we fear that we might not remember them as clearly or feel as close to them, and that is really hard to handle. So what can we do today to help our hearts not feel so scared, or nervous about forgetting our loved one?

Some time today, take time and write a tribute to your loved one. While it can be a lengthy cathartic process, 5 five minutes will work too. Don’t put this off because you feel like you “don’t have time today.”

Write out your “Because I never want to forget” list. Once you write these things down, you can lay down your worry and fear tonight that you might forget. Not sure where to start? Answer a few of these starters below:

-My favorite outfit you wore

-My favorite scent on you

-My favorite phrase you would say to me

-My favorite memory

-The time you made me laugh out loud

-What I admired about you most

These are just few starters to help you begin. Let yourself write whatever you feel needs to come out so that you can let go of the worry of forgetting. The truth is, the +1 never feels good. But we can heal a bit of that worry and fear of forgetting by documenting our favorite things today.

Share your memories with us in our community here so we can help you remember too. Share them with your family and friends either by Facebook, phone or sending a copy of your list by mail.  Chances are, those who were closest to your loved one might just love and miss those very same things.

We look forward to reading your memories here today and healing with you here in 2016.

Sending you big love!

Love and Blessings,
Erin

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *