Healing 2 minutes at a time

BEST MOTHER’S DAY GIFT EVER FOR MOMS WITHOUT MOMS

Christy Sherer 379   It’s Mother’s Day…again. It is that time of year I begin to avert my eyes from the card section at Target for fear I will start bawling in the middle of the aisle. So starts the tempest of emotions that rise up to create the perfect storm of excitement, love, sadness, loss and guilt as I strive for the balance of celebrating my own accomplishment as a mom and satisfying the insatiable longing for just five more minutes with my own mom. I am unsuccessful yet again at trying to squelch the desire to give her one of those very same cards that sit there taunting me.

That’s the tricky little thing about grief. It’s intense, it’s deep and it plays a game with our heads that makes us think we’re the only ones who could have ever possibly felt this gut-wrenching pain. It’s isolating and dark. I was at the tipping point of my traditional Mother’s day grief storm when a friend invited me to dinner to celebrate our moms. All of the women at this dinner were moms without moms. We were all asked to bring something that reminded us of our moms to share with the group and in an instant, we were connected. There was a healing look in the eyes of the other women as I talked. The look said, “Yep, I know. I’ve been there. It’s absolutely awful and I’m so sorry another human being has ever needed to experience this anguish.” I couldn’t believe it.  After all of the books, speakers and grief groups I’ve attended, I find that empathy, from other moms who have also lost their moms, is the grief antidote that I have needed all along.  It was so freeing to break out from the shame and so comforting to hear that it wasn’t only my life that spiraled out of control after that loss. Mine wasn’t the only crazy family. I wasn’t the only one who felt abandoned by relatives after her death. Amazing, glorious, healing empathy: who knew it could be so simple?  Since we had all experienced this loss, no one had to be guarded. No one felt uncomfortable by talking about the fact that people die. It’s life. It happens. But no one wants to admit that it does or that, gasp, they could be affected by it.

 

This year, I’m giving my mom the BEST MOTHER’S DAY gift ever!!! I’ve turned that dinner group into a support circle and have created “Moms without Moms”- a support circle for women everywhere to come together and heal through empathy.  www.angelbirthdays.com/momswithoutmoms.  Not only will these groups share their stories and heal their hearts together but they will also take the last 15 minutes of their meeting and answer that month’s questionnaire. The biggest disappointment for all of us at that dinner table was, without question, the inability to hear our mom’s stories- her stories about our childhood, about our family, about our crazy relatives who no longer call. So, Moms without Moms is going to give that gift to our children. We are going to give our families our written story. As busy moms, most of us probably don’t make it a priority to journal or write things down if left to our own devices. Let’s face it. As soon as we stop moving, we usually pass right out. So we’re bringing in peer pressure to get the job done for us all. The last part of each meeting will be spent writing the story of our lives- 15 minutes at a time together. Each month, in addition to the sharing and support, there will be a questionnaire to be filled out and to be added to our family binder. Over time, it will become the story of our lives-our legacy to pass down to our children- in our own words.

 

So this Mother’s Day, take a moment. Start a group. Join a group. Give the best gift you can give to your mom, to yourself and to your children. For all of us Moms without Moms who are about to unite, enjoy your day. Celebrate yourself and take a moment to remember and love the woman who made you a great mom.  Happy Mother’s Day!

One Comment

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  1. lorieleach1

    Though I was attracted to the idea inittially I find it somehow geared to women who are Moms. Myself who was unable to bear a child I feel would feel even more a sense of loss. Being isolated in the inability to share in the experiences of motherhood itself. Awesome idea i just feel won’t work for childless women.

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