Grief: Proof we are all protected and can finally let go

It was just one of those days.

I spent half the night awake wrestling with the myriad of emotions in my heart and head, trying to find peace with this new found Lyme diagnosis with my daughter.  Mentally trying to organize the ridiculous amounts of information that has been dumped on top of my brain.  Trying to organize.  Trying to understand.  Trying to find peace…and failing miserably.

The daytime hours went about the same.  I’d spent the entire day doing practically everything twice.  Two separate trips to the doctors office, two trips to the pharmacy and two trips to Trader Joes, even, because my mind was not present, and not with me, so I bought the wrong milk. By 5pm, I’d had it with my day, but it was time for my daughter’s horse lessons. Her passion. It is truly what makes her soul sing!

So as I stood at the side of the corral, alone and quiet for the first time in 24 hours, I began to cry and cry and cry.  I’d recognized several days earlier that I was grieving this life change and shook my head at God with a  bit of laughter as I said, “Right, I get it.  I have to walk this walk too if I’m going to teach it.” Because as we covered last week in the Top Ten Ways Grief Shows Up In Our Life, grief shows up in all sorts of ways in our life.  Any life change causes grief.  I get it.  I know it.  I teach it, even.  Although, the only thing that all of this knowledge does for me is make me acutely aware of what is actually happening.  I think it’s a blessing, but it still doesn’t take the hurt away. I just know what to do with it and I know how important it is to let yourself FEEL it.  So, I continued to cry and sort through my feelings.  But what was I feeling?

I realized I was petrified- petrified of the process, pertrified of the outcome, petrified of hiking ever again (one of my true loves!).  So I looked up and offered it up to God and said, “I don’t want this.  I don’t want to be afraid anymore.  I don’t want to be afraid anymore.  I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”  It was my own purging mantra and I kept saying it until I didn’t feel it anymore.  In this picturesque place, I was ridding my heart of the fear that no longer served me, nor anyone around me.  I was so taken by the beauty of this moment, I started taking pictures and look what happened:

Yep, that’s my daughter inside the ring on her horse inside that beautiful, protective bubble.  And I’m sure there’s some technical refraction/reflection explanation for my bubble in this picture.  But to me, it was all about the messaging.  I took this as a sign, as I do most things.  Her bubble showed me she was safe.  And that I was safe to let go, to finally trust, and to know it’s all being worked out by someone way more qualified than me to guide my life.

In fact, it was a message that all of us are safe.  We all have that bubble.  We are all being protected by something greater than all of us.  We all have it.  We just need to trust it, let go and exhale.   And as the bonus, which I am constantly reminding you, that exhale continues to remove grief from our system.  So, keep exhaling.  Keep letting go.  Keep trusting, a little bit at a time.

This week, I invite you to offer up your fears, your frustrations, your angers and release them to something greater than you and know, whether you see it or not, you have your very own protective bubble keeping you safe. Use your own purging mantra. Grief creates fear along with so many other emotions.  So try and offer it up.   Allow yourself to feel safe.  Let yourself feel protected. Let go, even just for a moment.

What did you offer up this week?  What was your purging mantra? What are you struggling with to release? Please share with us so we can help support you this week.

Love and Blessings,

Erin