Some say, “Third time’s a charm”, but that is not always the case, especially when we are healing a grieving heart.
To be honest, the third holiday season without our loved can often times be the most painful of them all. The first year without our loved ones, we are comforted by our family and friends as we “survive” this milestone. Our second holiday season, our closest friends still provide comfort and support as we bolster ourselves up again to survive another year. But the third holiday season is unique.
The rallying behind us has often dissipated; the dinners are no longer being made and dropped off to us; and it’s in that silent night where we become acutely aware that this is our life now. This is what the holidays look like without our loved one here. We start to begin to awaken to the idea that we might need to create new traditions, yet we are still so tied to our old ones that included our loved one. We feel like we “should” be moving on, but we still just want it to be the way it was when our loved one was here. We want to be joyous and merry, and yet we find ourselves so conflicted by our grief. Nothing feels the same or nostalgic. It just feels new and hard and heartbreaking.
In our first few years in survival mode, we wrap the presents, cook food, and celebrate like a robot because it feels as if a tundra has taken up permanent residence inside us, but we want to continue to be a part of the merriment. But this pivotal 3rd year is rough. It’s a year of awakening, of realization and of transition and it is really hard which means we have to be very, very gentle with ourselves. As you know, I am always encouraging you to be gentle, kind and accepting of yourself wherever you are on your grief journey.
And the truth is…we can swap the number 3 with any year. It could be any number of the years that you experience these feelings. We are all on our own grief journey and this experience happens at whatever year it is meant to happen. But I’m here to make sure you have some tools for when it hits because it is so hard when it does.
So what can we do to help ourselves through this holiday heartbreak?
This week, I’m encouraging you to do two things. When you are having that moment by the Christmas tree or while sitting by the fire, allow yourself to pause and to feel the emotions that need to be felt. Envision yourself allowing those feelings to come up and out, actually picturing them erupting through the top of your head. Much like we place an angel or a star on top of our tree, we can visualize our angel, or perhaps the star they are sitting on, above our head as we hand them our feelings, grief and sadness wrapped in a box for them to heal. That is the gift they would like to give you this holiday season and the one they want from you too. Your loved one would love to take this pain off your heart. All we have to do is give it to them this holiday season. It’s a powerful gift for the both of you.
And secondly if this is your 1st, 3rd, 10th or 20th holiday without your loved one and this is how you are feeling in this moment, forward this post onto your loved ones. Let them know this is how you are feeling this season so they can comfort you through this hard time of transition, renewal, memories and sentiment. Invite a friend over and sit by the fire and reflect on your favorite holiday memories of your loved one and perhaps toss a wink over to your angel in the corner who is working hard to heal your gift of grief you lovingly handed over to them.
What year are you in this year? How are you feeling? Are you transitioning to new traditions this holiday? What are they? Are you spending this holiday savoring your memories? Share with us so we can support you and help support others healing this holiday season.
Sending you big love!
Love and Blessings,
Erin