Grief is hard. Grief is long. Grief is all-consuming. It is this grief trifecta that makes it incredibly challenging to see beyond ourselves and that is OK. Healing from this place is part of the journey, part of the challenge and where you discover you are stronger and more resilient than you ever knew. But how do we know exactly where we are on our grief path?
We take a look at our volume of grief.
And it just so happens that the definition of volume is the amount of the 3-dimensional space an object occupies. Three. So let’s get to the bottom of this 3-dimensional trifecta of grief, shall we? How do we do that?
Volume also means “loudness of a sound” and we are going to change that this week too. But we need to first understand all three sides of our grief volume in order to turn down the volume of our inner grief voice. Once we do this, we will be able to hear what else might be going on around us. Start by reflecting on this one single question:
When we lower the volume of our pain for just a minute, how loud or quiet are the other challenges in our life?
It’s so hard. It is hard to see beyond our heartbreak. When we do look beyond it, we are able to see our surrounding world just a little differently and we are able to understand where we might be needed most. If we turn down our volume, would our child’s plea for help or attention be loud or quiet? Would our friend’s offering for assistance be loud or quiet? Would our family’s unspoken tension be loud or quiet?
When we take a moment to turn down our own grief volume, we are able to hear differently. More accurately. More effectively.
So, how do we do this? Start by setting a timer and allowing yourself to sit quiet for fifteen minutes (or longer if you like.). During that time, begin thinking about the volume of your pain and answer these three questions:
- On a scale of 1-10, how hard is your pain right now?
- How long have you been grieving?
- What has your grief taken over that you wish it wouldn’t have taken over in your life?
When you have done this volume assessment, hold that 3-D square of grief, be sure nothing escapes and send love to it. Tell it you understand it and that it’s ok to be broken for a while, but tell it that you need this next ten minutes to perform an assessment and it’s going to need to stay wrapped up in the box for just awhile longer.
Then tell your heart everything is OK. Tell it, “All is well,” even if it’s just for these few minutes. That’s all we need. Imagine your heart being surrounded by angels keeping it safe, if you like. Once you’ve reached this still space, begin to look at the people in your life. Now that your grief is locked up for a few minutes and is quieter in your heart, is there someone who has been shouting for your attention that you haven’t noticed because of your pain? Who sounds the loudest? Who sounds the quietest? Have they become quiet because they just became too tired from shouting while trying to get your attention?
Just assess. Do not judge. This is not an exercise for guilt or judgement. This exercise is meant to help you find that one person who has been reaching out to you or that really needs you that you’ve been grieving too hard to notice. Follow your guidance and figure out who needs you most right now. By helping someone else, we help our own heart heal too. After your quiet time, make a phone call, schedule a lunch, sit down and listen attentively. But do something. Your chosen one will be so grateful to have your attention again. And once you reach out, you may just find they have the healing YOU’VE been needing all along too.
Where did you find your grief volume? Loud or quiet? Who did you choose to reach out to this week? We look forward to hearing your story.
Love and Blessings,
Erin