This Valentine’s Day, let’s all write our first Valentine to ourselves. Why you may ask?
We need to prime our own pump first.
Let me explain. Years ago, I took my children to a petting zoo with my mom. There, in the dirt, stood an old-fashioned water pump. Naturally, I had my daughters attempt to push the metal lever to extract the water from the ground. After countless attempts, I’d resolved that the pump was just broken and it was time to move onto the goats. However my mom who born in the South and, I swear, knew how to do everything, told me to stay put and to get her a water bottle. She said, “Sugar pie, you need to prime your own pump. If you don’t put any water in, you ain’t ever gonna get any water out.” To be honest, I actually thought she had no idea what she was talking about as she poured this bottle of water into this seemingly empty, dried-up well. But I tell you, that determined woman kept pouring, and kept pumping that lever, until a flood of water came splashing down onto everyone. And it was magnetic. My girls squealed as they were drenched with this downpour of beautiful water and then they pumped that lever to their hearts’ delight. It was contagious. All of the surrounding families lined up to take their turn at the pump. It was amazing and it was all because we needed to add the water FIRST to get the water out.
I think love works the same way. We need to pour it in, pump that lever and be determined that it is going to come out. But once it is out, it is one of the most magnetic feelings in the world. However, when we are grieving, we may need to be more determined than ever to pump out that love because we can sometimes feel just like that dry metal lever. We’re pushing it down and nothing is coming out. We try to give of ourselves but we feel like we just have absolutely nothing to give. Chances are, we might not have any love to give…that is until we prime our own pump.
So this week, I want you to write your first Valentine’s Day card to yourself and I want you to write down all the things you are proud of that you are doing to heal. Give yourself the credit you deserve as you walk down this tough path. Things may take longer or you may not get as much done but I am certain there are things you are doing well right now that you can include in this beautiful love note to yourself.
One of the dirty little secrets they don’t tell you about the grieving process is that we can be incredibly self-critical. How awful is that? Here we are already broken and bruised and then we find ways to criticize ourselves about not handling it well enough. That is going to stop today.
This Valentine’s Day, remind yourself what IS going right and what you do feel like you’re doing well. Give yourself the love and credit you deserve and then watch for your own downpour of love. Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Thank you first off for posting. It’s so easy to forget to acknowledge the positives in life.
My father passed away 9 years ago this July. He was truly my best friend and he taught me so many life lessons about helping others and focusing on the positives in life. He was always complimenting others and even when life handed him “lemons,” he made lemonade. However, after he passed, I found myself glossing over the positives and primarily focusing on the negatives. This was how I started off grieving because I was angry.
Today, I’m still on my journey of grieving, but your blogs are helping me so much. I’m choosing to focus on the positives in life because that’s the way my father taught me to live. Your blogs provide amazing techniques that I apply everyday.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Michelle. You’re incredibly blessed to have your health, three beautiful kids and a husband who supports you and loves you for who you are. You have amazing friends and a family who would never let you fall. Always remember that you’re a strong, beautiful and confident individual.