It’s the end of January 2015 already!!! All month long there have been countless posts, suggestions and articles on the importance of decluttering this month so that we can clear the way for the wonderful abundance that is going to arrive this year. But what if we are grieving the loss of a loved one or a relationship? What if we don’t want to clean out their closet? What if we still want to hold onto our beloved’s most cherished items? Of course we want abundance in our lives, so what are we supposed to do?
Purging “stuff” is one of the steps of grief that we all wish we could avoid. It requires physical labor and, strangely enough, a ton of mental and emotional labor. Like with all things grief, it’s just not fun. But once you’re on the other side of it, you will feel stronger and clearer.
Today, we’re going to walk through a process that will make all of this feel less daunting. So, how do we even begin? Let go of the vision of the messy closet or cabinet of knick-knacks and begin with your own heart.
We declutter our own heart first.
If our heart is cluttered, it won’t matter how much clutter we have in our house. We won’t be able to clear a thing.
Begin by allowing yourself to sit with all of your feelings first. Allow your heart to soften and let go. Then begin finding all of your loved one’s favorite items. Once you have your collection, sit with them, touch them and savor each and every one of them. Put on your loved ones’ sweatshirt. Reflect on how much you loved the feeling of this material on your skin or place that sweatshirt over a pillow and hold it and cry. Let your tears flow and your emotions release. Hold onto that teddy bear and give it a hug. Smell the lingering cologne that is still on his jacket’s collar. Do it all! Take a tour of all of those items and give yourself permission to cherish that memory with all of your senses.
When you feel like your heart has had enough of this exercise, which by the way can take place over multiple days and weeks, you can then move onto the next step. But do not skip this first step. A cluttered heart can’t release anything.
Love it or leave it.
With your newly decluttered heart, you can begin to decide on which items you want to keep. Only keep the items you LOVE. If you love the item, keep it. Use it. Enjoy it. You do not need to get rid of everything. I still have my mom’s sweatshirt that I, still 8 years later, put on when I am sick or am missing her. I love that sweatshirt and it reminds me of everything I loved about my mom. I feel nurtured and full of her abundant love all over again the moment I put it on.
You can divide things into three piles- items you love, items that are undecided on and items that you feel ready to pass along. Gift the items. Invite family and friends over to let them choose a favorite item or donate those goods to a charity that your loved one adored. There will be great gratitude felt from those less fortunate who will love the items you were willing to leave.
I have another beautiful story of abundance. We needed to donate my mom’s towels and washcloths. So we took them to her favorite charity. When we arrived at the house, the front door was open and the woman in charge was leaving for the store. We brought up our bags and her jaw dropped. On her shopping list was…you guessed it… towels and wash cloths. That is how it works. What we give away, someone else needs. Trust and know that your loved one would love to be a part of this beautiful abundance cycle.
But, what if I’m not ready to let go of it?
For the items you are just not ready to part with yet, you may leave them where they are or you can buy a special box to pack them away in an honoring way. This gives you the opportunity to visit those items whenever you want without them taking up physical space in your everyday life. I did this with my mom’s favorite clothes and each year, I was able to part with more and more until one day I realized how beneficial her beautiful coats (which were far too big for me) would be to a homeless woman on the streets. We can honor our loved ones’ lives so beautifully by gifting what they have left behind.
Take the process at your own pace
As with everything, do this at your own pace. Do not feel rushed to hurry through this but know that this process, step by step, is there for you when you are ready to start moving forward. By clearing your heart first, it will be easier to begin to clear the “stuff.” As we begin to heal our heart, we start to let go of the attachment to those physical items. It is also so important to enjoy the things you keep. Don’t keep things because you feel guilty parting with them because that will just continue to make you feel…well, guilty and that is not what your loved one wants for you. Keep what you love and TRULY enjoy it. Reflect and remember how much they loved this particular item and how much you love it too. You will connect with your loved one right there in that space of love. It is in that very moment of love and cherishing that abundance will begin to flow right into your heart and life.
And if you find yourself not ready to move forward with any of the above, that is OK. By merely setting an intention to begin to declutter, the abundance will begin to flow. Intention is so powerful and once it is set, energy and action will follow right behind. So set your intention and see where your decluttering takes you. Our community can’t wait to hear your beautiful gifting stories. Please share below what you’ve been able to clear away and who was blessed as a result of it.
And if you would love some additional support with this process, my friend Cristi Earnshaw is amazing. She is an abundance whisperer and helps support people in their decluttering and clearing of their spaces. Check out her website here: http://www.theabundancewhisperer.com
Love and Blessings,
Erin