So often when our loved ones are grieving around us, we don’t know what to do. We want to do the right thing, say the right thing and be that person that they need, but we often just don’t know what to do. We’re taking care of that this week and it is much easier than you may realize.
Be the brave one at the door.
They just need someone to listen deeply and compassionately.
Thich Nhat Hanh describes compassionate listening so beautifully. He says,
“You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart.”
Compassionately listening is one of the greatest services we can provide another human being. Sitting, listening, being. That is the stuff that heals hearts.
When I do my compassionate listening with friends, family or clients, I make sure to hold gentle eye contact and place myself in my pink bubble. We learned about our pink bubble a few months ago. If you missed that blog, you can learn all about it HERE. Then, I envision holding a cup or a bowl outside of my bubble as an offering to let them empty their hearts into this bowl. I want to encourage them to clear their hearts of their suffering and pain. By envisioning this bowl outside of my bubble, I keep my energetic self protected from absorbing their suffering. This technique, in turn, will allow me to be stronger and more available for them.
I cannot stress enough the importance of the energetic bubble and bowl technique when listening so deeply to your loved ones. A few years ago, I worked an event where many different people were telling me their grief stories and I ended up in bed for two days. I didn’t have enough energy to walk or function for my family, much less, for myself. Once I could get out of bed, I began researching and speaking to spiritual advisors to find out what they did to protect themselves. I’ve landed on this bubble & bowl technique. It has been a life-saver, literally. It’s a simple technique that helps you keep your energy strong and clean. And it’s ALWAYS a good idea to ask God to protect you. 🙂 By listening compassionately, you are helping Him with His work in bringing support to people.
The second part of compassionate listening is the listening part. It may sound simple but listening = no talking. No advice giving, no suggestions, no help. Just sit and listen. I still struggle with this because I’m a helper. I never like to see people struggle. I always want to help in some way to make their “hurt” better, but in this circumstance, helping is not helpful.
Your silence will allow your loved one to reach the most vulnerable places in their heart.
And that’s where the real suffering exists. That’s the stuff that’s gotta come out. For this compassionate listening gift you are giving your loved one, allow them to empty and clear out their feelings. Then give them the biggest hug ever. If you have suggestions or advice, choose another time or wait until later to share your wisdom. And then pat yourself on the back for giving your loved one the best gift ever. True Heart Healing.
So the next time you are struggling with what to do for a grieving friend or loved one, be the brave one who shows up on their door, ready to listen.
If you are the one grieving this week, share this post on your facebook or email and put your request out there and say, “Who’s coming over first?” Let people know you need them.
I can’t wait to hear how your compassionate listening goes this week for you. Were you the listener? Or did someone gift you the opportunity to empty your heart into their bowl? Share with us what happened and let us support you too.
Love and Blessings,
Erin