It
is the eve of Grandparents’ Day & Special Persons day at our school and five days before Mother’s Day. I call this my double-whammy week. With no living parents of my own and in-laws on the opposite coast, I find myself at a loss. A loss much greater than my own personal heartbreak of not having my parents here to guide me, but a loss of ability to provide something for my girls that goes without thought for so many other families. It kills me that I can’t give them this seemingly normal experience.
I can’t just produce a grandparent and I refuse to check the box on the form that invites us to “share someone else’s grandparent” – kind as that offer is. My solution for everything is to always send love to it and find a way to be grateful for it. I am so grateful for my brother and his family. We’ve made a pact to fill in for our parents where and how we can. With two busy families, we have done an amazing job and he and my sister-in-law truly both win the “most special person” award.
Pact or no pact though, I find myself scrambling in that first 10 minute welcome among the sea of grandparents to find my love and gratitude. I am grateful for our situation because without losing my mom, Angel Birthdays would not be here, but the primal urge to protect and give my children their grandparents sure takes over for those first 10 minutes of this annual event. This year, I wanted to give those 10 minutes of sadness purpose. So here are my Mother’s Day thoughts for everyone:
This Sunday, many of you will celebrate Mother’s Day, saying thank you to your mom for bringing you to life. Perhaps you’ll send her flowers, or take her to brunch, or simply give her a phone call so that she can hear the gratitude in your voice. Whether you’ve had a great relationship or a strained one, chances are you get that your mom is only human, and you appreciate all she’s done for you over the years. I hope you can take the time to say thank you and celebrate a little.
For those of you, like myself, who find themselves motherless on Mother’s Day, I want to offer a suggestion. Angel Birthdays was born out of the need to think of a loved one’s passing in a way that felt hopeful, positive and reassuring – to make the memory of that person a happy one, instead of something that’s too hard to bear. For me, Mother’s Day is another opportunity to do just that. While I might wake up on Sunday and feel that pang of suffering that so often hits me when I remember my mom is gone, I intend to make the day a celebration of her life. My husband and daughters and I will have brunch in her (and my!) honor. We’ll share our memories of her. We’ll laugh, and yes we’ll probably also cry. We’ll eat too much. We’ll do all the typical Mother’s Day activities.
And at the end of the day, before I go to sleep, I’ll talk to my mom (as I often do). I will tell her that I love her, that I appreciate her and that her life on this earth really meant something. And if I’m lucky, I’ll hear her voice in my head saying “I love you, too!”
Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!
